Especially for women who choose to marry later, these counsels help to guide them into making sensible choices. They are encouraged to know themselves and to know what they really want from marriage.
Ms. Dora is a Certified Christian Counselor. Her views on singleness, premarital and marital issues are influenced by her Christian beliefs.
There are several individualistic, purposeful reasons which the women give for remaining single, and singleness is being embraced by women everywhere.
- In America and elsewhere, even though there are more single women than men, women tend to procrastinate longer about changing their single status.
- The British Office of National Statistics states that in every age group under 70, there is an increase in the number of adult, never-married women.
- The South Korean unmarried woman who used to be considered a pathetic “old miss” has become the affluent “gold miss.”
- Pressure is decreasing on the Japanese “Christmas cakes” (women who remain unmarried after their sell-by date).
Elisabeth Elliott, late Belgian-born author advised: “Singleness ought not to be viewed as a problem, nor marriage as a right. God in his wisdom and love grants either as a gift.” Her perspective has been affirmed by the many women who vowed in their twenties to follow the singles trend, then changed their minds two decades later and embraced marriage. The gift of singleness in the earlier years gave way to the gift of marriage in their later years.
Especially for these women who choose to marry later, the following counsels help to guide them into making sensible choices. The quotes encourage them to know themselves, know what they want from marriage, know what marriage really is.
1. “One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself: know who you are, what you believe in, and where you want to go.” ―Sheila Murray Bethel
2. “In order for [you] to feel another’s love and devotion, you first have to feel love and devotion for yourself. It’s the ultimate secret for attracting and creating relationships.” —Nicole Dirocco
3. “Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.” —Mandy Hale
4. “Whether you have a career or a good-paying job, being financially independent means that you are not going to get married because you need to. You have worth.” —Sarah E Stewart
5. “Every woman thinks they are the special person that was foreordained to change a man. Do you really think you are better than all the women that tried? … Live in such a way that you don’t have to change or convince anyone of your worthiness.” ―Shannon L. Alder
6. “The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.” ―Shannon L. Alder
7. “A strong woman builds her own world. She is one who is wise enough to know that it will attract the man she will gladly share it with.” —Ellen J. Barrier
8. “If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will. Have a little more confidence.” —Cathy Moriarty
9. “We are all like candles, and whether we are single or joined with another does not affect how brightly we can burn.” —Stacey Lee
10. “Discover why you’re important, then refuse to settle for anyone who doesn’t completely agree.” —Fisher Amelie
Know What You’re Looking For
11. “Before giving her hand in marriage, every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy . . . Is the love which he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is it a mere emotional fondness?” —Ellen White
12. “Don’t disrespect yourself by lowering your standards and accepting just anything that comes your way . . . If you want a relationship of substance, you can’t keep entertaining people and things that mean you no good. Think about it! It’s all up to you.” ―Stephanie Lahart
13. “To see a man’s true colors, tell him you’re saving yourself for marriage.” —Matshona Dhliwayo
14. “Ladies! I encourage you NOT to be so easily flattered by what a man has.
Be flattered by his strength, courage, integrity, and character as a man.
Be impressed by his ability to be honest, faithful, loving, and respectful to you.
Be impressed because he can communicate and openly express his feelings.
Be impressed because he’s got confidence, direction, and purpose in his life.
Be impressed because he’s a quality man, NOT a fine man. Real Talk!”
15. “The poorest man you can marry is not the one who lacks money, but the one who lacks character.” ―Matshona Dhliwayo
16. “Love at first sight is extremely rare,
It happens only in 4 percent in the world.
What you truly want, it is true love
So, don’t rush it because it develops slow.”
Know the Truth About Marriage
17. “Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime would be considered among the fine arts.” ―Willie Oliver
18. “On your wedding day you will participate with your spouse in one of the most solemn pledges ever given to humankind—the vow of marriage . . . a lifelong commitment . . . between a man and a woman and their God. It involves three promises: to stay married throughout your lives, to love and care for each other, to maintain sexual fidelity.” ―David Boehi
19. “Married life is not all romance . . . The wife must not consider herself a doll, to be tended, but a woman; one to put her shoulder under real, not imaginary, burdens, and live an understanding, thoughtful life, considering that there are other things to be thought of than herself.” ―Ellen White
20. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ―Mignon McLaughlin
21. “Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect, and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and a wife.” —Dave Willis
Brown, Anna: Pew Research Center, A profile of single Americans (08/20/20)
John, Emma: The Guardian, Why are increasing numbers of women choosing to be single? (01/17/2021)
© 2022 Dora Weithers