A happy marriage is made of two halves. There are times when each person might feel disappointed, hurt, or angry with their partner. But there are also many elements that make a great marriage. Here are ten tips to help you along the way to a happy marriage.
Muhammad Rafiq is a freelance writer, blogger, and translator with a master’s degree in English literature from the University of Malakand.
Whether you’re planning to get married or already happily married, it’s important to know the ten elements of a successful marriage. While no two relationships are the same, there are always common themes that keep marriages healthy and happy, and knowing these ten elements will help you focus on building and strengthening your own marriage. They are explained below:
The First Element – Purpose
This is what I believe: The first element of a happy and successful marriage is purpose.
The two most important questions you will ever ask yourself are, “Does my life have a purpose?” and “Is my marriage just existing or is it also advancing a great purpose?”
When a couple loses their sense of purpose they drift apart, become dissatisfied with each other, and often times seek other relationships hoping to feel the sense of closeness and connection that comes with having a shared vision.
If you are single and looking for someone to marry, make sure that person shares your purpose in life. I have known many couples who married for love but didn’t share any goals or vision for the future, only to be left feeling lonely and unfulfilled because they weren’t moving toward anything together.
Most long-term marriages are built on similar values, beliefs and purposes in life. For example, if you both want to raise great kids who will one day make a positive impact on the world, then that is something worth fighting for together. If one person wants to raise kids who will one day make an impact on the world while the other person wants to raise kids who will simply be happy, then there is bound to be conflict down the road.
The Second Element – Generosity
It’s not just the little things like bringing home flowers or taking out the trash, it’s much more.
In other words, if you want to be able to listen to others and hear what they are saying, you need to be generous. You have to give them the right to make mistakes, the right to be wrong, the right to say “no” without feeling guilty. And you have to give them time.
Being generous with time is very important. If you are in a rush all the time, you will not have enough time to listen. You need time for people and their problems. You can’t just say, “I don’t have time.” If you really love someone, you find the time!
Generosity is the first thing because if you don’t have that, you won’t have an authentic or humble relationship. You might think that the most important thing in a relationship is communication. It’s not. The most important thing is generosity. If you assume the other person is doing their best, you will be generous in your opinions of them; and if you don’t feel the need to be constantly on your guard, you will be open and authentic yourself.
If you are generous with your partner, they are more likely to be authentic with you; and then, with luck, whatever flaws they have will seem less significant than their virtues. This may require some suspension of disbelief at times, but so does reading a novel you enjoy: nobody likes every single one of the characters in War and Peace. So long as there are enough good things about someone to outweigh the things that annoy us (and usually there are), we should give them our loyalty–not grudgingly or hesitantly, but generously.
The Third Element – Trust
One of the most fundamental aspects of a happy marriage is trust. If you can’t trust your partner, then there is no foundation for a lasting relationship. A good way to build trust is by telling the truth and keeping promises.
If you want to keep your spouse from cheating, you need to provide them with the tools they need to make them feel loved and appreciated. It’s important not to take advantage of their love for you. If you are not faithful in your relationship, how can you expect them to be?
Trust is important in a relationship because it builds a bond between two people who love each other enough to commit to each other. If there is no trust in the relationship, then one partner will feel like they are being taken advantage of or that they are not getting what they deserve out of the relationship. When there is no trust, it creates tension and conflict in the relationship which can lead to divorce or even murder.
The key to building trust in a relationship is honesty and communication. This means that when something happens that makes one partner uncomfortable, it should be discussed openly between both partners so that both parties know what occurred and how to prevent it from happening again in the future.
Trust also comes from being able to rely on your partner to stick to their word. If you say that you are going to do something, then do it. If you say that you will be somewhere at a certain time, then be there. If you have done something and have not received any bad feedback about it, then it is safe to assume that no trust has been lost in your relationship.
The Fourth Element – Communication
This is a very important aspect of a happy marriage because without it or with little communication, your marriage will be in jeopardy. Communication can make or break a marriage.
Marriage is not just about love and intimacy but also about having someone you can talk to and have a healthy dialogue with. When you are married, there will come times when you will have to face problems or challenges and without proper communication, those situations can become worse than they really are.
In addition to making the relationship stronger, communication also gives partners the chance to know more about each other and develop their understanding of each other. Without this important element in a relationship, people might end up drifting apart from each other.
While it is important for couples to spend quality time together like going for trips or watching movies together, it is more important for them to spend some time talking about how their day went and things like that as these small talks can help them grow closer and make their union more rock solid.
When you are communicating with your partner, you are basically opening up yourself and giving him or her an opportunity to know more about you. This can be very liberating for some people as they don’t have to keep secrets or hide things from their partners any longer. If they know they can trust their partner, they will feel at ease being honest and not having to pretend all the time.
The Fifth Element – Love
The fifth element, and the one that comes first in every great marriage, is love. I have been asked many times in recent years what it is that makes a marriage work. For me, the answer is easy: love. There are other things to consider, like trust, commitment, dedication and hard work. But without love, you cannot build a strong partnership. Love is the key ingredient in making a marriage successful.
There are different kinds of love. In the beginning of your marriage, you may have been attracted to each other because of an immediate physical attraction or passion for each other. Later on, you realize that this type of love is not enough to sustain a long-term relationship. You need to find deeper types of love for your partner and for your family in order to maintain a healthy relationship over time.
Agape love is one of these sorts of love. Agape love is selfless and unconditional; it does not change or diminish even if you do not receive anything in return from the recipient of your love. It does not mean that you abandon your needs and desires; it means that you give yourself freely to someone else without expecting anything in return except for the pure joy of giving unconditionally. This type of agape love can sustain a marriage well into old age. The giver will look after his partner, regardless of what he receives back, simply because that person belongs to him.
I believe that our marriages should be reflections of how we want God to treat us and how we want Him to treat others. So when people ask me what makes a marriage work, I tell them: Love! Love!
The Sixth Element – Respect
If you are going to be married for the next fifty years, it helps a lot if you respect one another.
Respect is not something that you give the other person because you want something in return. Respect is not something that you give to others when they deserve it and take it away from them when they do not. A relationship based on respect is one where you both hold each other in high regard regardless of what the other person does or says.
This type of respect means that you have a lot of faith in your partner as an individual. You know that they can handle themselves, and they know that you believe in them. Even if they make mistakes, you still believe in their ability to improve themselves and to overcome any adversity that may come their way.
You do not have to agree with everything your partner does or believes in, but you should be willing to defend their right to do so if the need arises. In addition, if there are areas where you have differing opinions or beliefs, it is important to remember that those opinions belong to your partner and they have every right to hold them, whether or not you approve of them.
Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it requires work and sacrifice. The most obvious thing that couples must learn to share is money. But there are other things they must share as well. It may be impossible to have an equal division of labor in the house, but at least each partner should have defined areas of responsibility.
When two people get married they become an us rather than a me or an I. Their interests are no longer separate but combined. They help each other achieve their goals and dreams in life because they know that what benefits their partner benefits them as well.
One of the biggest reasons why marriages don’t last is because couples don’t make enough time for one another, especially when children come into the picture. When children are young, both parents need to participate in child-rearing duties as much as possible so that both parents can develop strong bonds with their children from infancy on up through adulthood.
The Seventh Element – Gratitude
When you are grateful for the little things, you will have many little things to be grateful for. When you are grateful for the big things, like your spouse or your children, you will have even more big things to be grateful for.
When you are grateful, your spouse will do more nice things for you and your kids will be nicer to each other. You will also find that others outside the family are nicer too. They will want to help and support you and your family because they see that you appreciate their efforts.
When you clean up after yourself instead of waiting for someone else to do it, others will be more likely to clean up after themselves in the future. Then there is less work that needs to be done and the people who live there are happier.
If you give thanks before meals then everyone seems to enjoy them more and everyone is hungrier before meals because they know what’s coming next!
The Eighth Element – Passion
Passion is defined as “strong and barely controllable emotion.” Passion is feeling strongly about something that you love doing. If you have passion for your work and for your spouse, then you will always feel joyful in life.
In order to have a successful marriage, both partners must support each other’s passions and help each other grow as individuals through those passions. If one partner does not share the same interests as the other partner, then it will be difficult for both partners to be happy together.
Individuals who have passion in life are much more likely to experience happiness than those who do not feel passionate about anything at all. This is because they have something positive to focus on and look forward to as an outlet for their energy, as opposed to dwelling on negative thoughts and emotions.
It’s important that you find your passions and pursue them, whether it’s being an artist or writing poetry, or raising animals. Passion is essential for leading a successful life. Even if someone does not share your passion for something, they should be willing to support you in it anyway. A spouse who supports your interests will make you happier than one who refuses to do so because they don’t agree with them.
The Ninth Element – Commitment
Commitment is among the most important elements of a happy marriage. When you commit to someone else, you’re committing to making them just as happy as you are. That’s what makes it such a difficult thing to do.
But that’s also what makes it such an important thing to do. Commitment is a powerful tool for increasing happiness and fighting depression. That’s because when you commit to something, you’re committing to making it happen. You’re committing to doing whatever it takes to make sure that what you want doesn’t get in the way of what you need. And when you commit to something, you’re committing not only to yourself but also to others.
Commitment is a powerful tool for increasing happiness and fighting depression, because it forces us to focus on the positive aspects of our lives rather than the negative ones. When we focus on the positive aspects of our lives, we see them as more valuable than they really are, and that leads us to want more of them.
To see why this is so important, consider what happens if there isn’t commitment. If one or both partners are merely in it for as long as they find it useful or enjoyable, then they can leave as soon as things get tough.
This may sound like a good option when things are going well. But it means you have no right to complain when things go badly. Because the moment you decide that your partner’s happiness isn’t important anymore, it becomes impossible for them to make you happy either. You’ve given up the one thing that makes your marriage work – the idea that making your partner happy is an essential part of achieving your own goals in life.
The Tenth Element – Humor!
There is no doubt that humour is the best element in a happy marriage. If you can keep your partner laughing, you will have a successful relationship. If you are able to see the funny side of life and get your partner to share this viewpoint, everything will be fine. It is impossible to have too much humour.
In my opinion, it is best to build up a fund of humour before getting married. This means that one should make sure that one’s partner likes the same kind of jokes as oneself and has a similar sense of fun. Once this has been established, there is really no problem at all.
Unfortunately, it seems that some people have a very limited sense of humour and are unable to laugh at anything. These people are usually very boring and their lives can become very dreary indeed if they do not change their ways.
If one’s partner is like this, there is little that can be done except leave them. It would be very difficult to live happily with someone who has no sense of humour at all. In fact, why anybody would want to marry such a person I cannot imagine!
Humour is not crucial to the early stages of a romantic relationship. In fact, it can even be detrimental. Most of us have strong preferences for wit over doltishness in a prospective partner; comedy is an important part of courtship. But after we’ve committed to each other, we need something else to sustain us through life’s inevitable rough patches: an ability to laugh at ourselves and each other.
Why? Because one of the best ways to get through stress together is to lighten up about it. Too much seriousness can be a barrier to communication; people become defensive and stop paying attention. Humour breaks the tension and lets couples talk about things they might otherwise avoid because they’re too serious or too hard.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Muhammad Rafiq